Iowneebinnoh

Have you ever noticed how families often develop a kind of private language of words and phrases arising from their personal history?  Maybe your son mispronounced spaghetti, and you've adopted that pronunciation for all time.  (Now you know why he wont bring girls home.)  One such word entered my family lexicon the time my son attended Summer School to rescue his dismal grade-point-average.

Just in case you live in Lake Wobegone, I'll give a quick description of Summer School in my county.  If you fail a class, and your parents care, and have around $250.00 to squander on a kid who clearly doesn't, you can enroll him in (the exercise in futility known as) Summer School.  My darling lad spent a memorable summer locked away in one of our "Pod" school dungeons with the motley assortment of thugs and miscreants which pass for summer "students."

In the back of the classroom slouched a young man who evidently believed that a big fat blunt = the breakfast of champions. According to my source, he was wall-eyed stoned every day and spent the majority of it face down on his desk.  Once, when the teacher asked him a question, he lifted his head, stared blankly for a few moments then answered:  "Iowneebinnoh."

[I´·ow·`nee·bin·noh:  /ebonics - portmanteau/ "I don't even know."]  

The teacher was speechless.  She stared back, sputtered a few times, turned on her heel and went about her business.  His singularly sagacious statement was both true and profoundly succinct.  There was no need for follow-up.  He had delivered the final word on the matter.

And that's how "iowneebinnoh" came to be a part of our family's peculiar language.  Below are a few examples of questions from my husband for which I have used it in the past.

"What's for supper?"     iowneebinnoh

"Who ate the last piece of cake!?"     iowneebinnoh

"What in the WORLD did you buy at Walmart today?"     iowneebinnoh

"Did that heap in the hallway come out of the dog's front or back?"     iowneebinnoh

"How did a giant tubular turd come to rest on our 4' holly bush?"     iowneebinnoh

"Where do our children's smart mouths come from?"     iowneebinnoh

"How did your bumper get that dent?"     iowneebinnoh

"What do you actually put in your "special" Gumbo?"     iowneebinnoh

"Did I say anything embarrassing when I had my colonoscopy?"     iowneebinnoh

"Does my brother's kid seem normal to you?"     iowneebinnoh

On the off chance that my family ever reads my blog... I TOTALLY made the last one up.